Depressing

I'm loath to post things like this, but my sex life isn't all perfect round buttocks and hot ejaculations transporting me to an astral plane. And for what it's worth, I did get my dick sucked till it was hard and thick today. But otherwise it was the kind of experience that makes me wonder what the fuck I'm doing   hooking up randomly all the time, putting my dick in dudes after exchanging three sentences with them, running around town to inseminate as many bodies as I can. So pop some popcorn, sit back, and enjoy the sad show.

I started it. A profile on Adam4Adam advertising a short, athletic Italian had one picture of a very nice muscular chest, a big beautiful dick, and a rather nice ass in a jockstrap. Perfect! He was in Hell's Kitchen, but work was quiet today and I thought I could spare the time to travel up there. I complimented the muscular chest, asked if he liked being plowed and seeded, and went on to other things. By the time I got back to Adam I saw he had replied right away, saying he liked my pictures, unlocking, and then for good measure saying he really wanted it. I asked where in Hell's Kitchen he was, and he told me the intersection and asked when I was free. His face was pretty nice, actually. He looked a little blue collar but he was handsome and manly for a short guy. But as an old pro hooking up online, even from this limited information I gave you, I should have known from a few things that this was not going to go well. First, the pictures were quite tightly cropped. The chest and upper torso was clearly visible, but somehow it seemed that a guy with that nice a body and that handsome a face would show it off a bit more. Also, that kind of guy is just *never* into me-- short, muscular, handsome, bottomy? Never. Any three of the four, yes. All four, no. Finally, he never just sent me one message. He always sent me bursts of two or three and the last one was always a hectoring "when?" or "are you there" or "are you interested".

If I hadn't had visions of sticking it to a handsome muscular blue collar Italian dancing in my head, I would have slowed down a bit. But I got pretty turned on, and wanted to get up there and back before it got too late. So I told him I could leave pretty soon and be there in less than half an hour. I kept getting rapid-fire messages, full of rushed typos, even after I sent him my cell number and a note saying "text me your address and I will head up." He was replying so fast I think he kept missing the fact that I was replying to him! This is just not the behavior of a handsome muscular dude. It's the behavior of a desperate troll. Being a desperate troll myself, I ignored it.

He finally quit frantically typing and started reading, saw my number, and texted me on my phone. I had his address pretty quickly and we arranged for me to go up there when he was getting cleaned up. And then I brushed my teeth and went up.

I got there in about the time I'd said it would take and was looking forward to a nice fuck. His apartment building looked ok from the outside, which is nice in that rather ratty neighborhood full of old tenements. I buzzed, and went in; he was on the ground floor, so I didn't even have to climb stairs. Nice!

But he opened the door and ugh. His face was his all right-- he was not quiiiite as glamorously handsome as his picture, but I recognized him easily and liked his face. I barely registered his overall looks before getting in the apartment, which was tiny and hot and squalid and full of crap. But he was a slob. Dressed in sacks of ill-fitting, gray knit jersey material, giant rather slovenly-looking gut, fat legs sticking out of voluminous sweat shorts with I think a hole in them, just not attractive at all. No way I could fuck this guy. I thought, ugh, I should just leave. I was extremely angry, with him and with myself, for knowing better but letting wishful thinking get the better of me, and wasting a trip uptown on this.

But I didn't just leave. Perversely, I decided, let the dude suck my dick and swallow my cum; make him get me off at least, so I had something to show for the trip. He dove for me quickly, before I had any chance to decide anything at all really, pulling my shirt off me and reaching into the waistband of my shorts. Sometimes guys like this give really good head, I told myself feebly. And despite his overall sloppiness, his face was nice. I could easily watch that face work over my meat for fifteen minutes, I told myself. So I took off my watch and my shoes and told him to get to his knees and pulled out my meat.

He dove for that too, really too rabidly, as if he were going to chew it off me. I put my hands on either side of his head and slowed his movements and said, "Suck it slow, long slow strokes." He did not seem like the type who could both suck and listen at the same time, but eventually I got him to approximate the kind of head I wanted, with rather more teeth than was perfectly comfortable. Again at this point I should have just left, but clearly there is something wrong with me. All I could think was, I want to use this dude as a cumhole. I want him to make me hard, I want to drill his skull, I want to drown him with more cum than he's had in years, and I want to leave. So I let him keep working my dick, and eventually he hit some right button, and also the sadistic demon in me began to uncoil at the idea of just using him for wasting my time, and my dick began to lengthen and strengthen. Again too much teeth, but it wasn't half bad. His body was mostly hidden from his position on his knees and his face honestly looked beatific with my meat in it. I wondered how much dick he gets, how many other people give in and let him suck them like this.

But then he got greedy. He was tugging at all that fabric that wrapped him, pulling off his shorts I think, tugging at his own dick which I'm sure was not the glorious dick in the photos or I would have seen it more clearly. And he stopped sucking me and stood up to get on the bed, saying he was all cleaned out for me.

"I'm not going to fuck you, man," I said, firmly but trying not to sound too angry. He stopped in his tracks, stared at me with a kind of fear in his face, and said, "Why not?" He got off the bed and came face to face with me. "I'm not interested in that with you." "Why not?" he demanded again. "Because you don't look like your pictures." I kept my voice very level. "Now you can keep sucking my dick and swallow my cum or I can leave. It's up to you." "Why are you making me suck your dick?" he whined, "if you're not into me?" I threw him a bone. "I like your face. But you are not like your pictures and I don't want to fuck you." He reached over and was stroking my dick up and down, looking into my eyes with lust, disappointment, desperation, and a rising anger all at once. He tugged and tugged at my meat, staring at me, and then said rather dumbly, "….really??"

I nodded gravely and said, "Yes. It's up to you. Do you want to suck me off or do you want me to leave?" He made a sound of protest. "But I want to get fucked," he whined. I snorted and pulled my dick out of his hands and rooted around for my shorts on the dark floor, pulling them up so the toy was no longer his to play with, then pulled on my shirt. "Sorry, my friend. I'm leaving." He stood there with his arms limply hanging at his sides while I looked for my glasses, which are hard to see when I don't have them on. Feeling a little like Velma, I crept around the perimeter of his rathole looking for them, till I spied them on the tiny kitchen table in the tiny nook of a kitchen. I felt for my keys and phone and wallet and went to the door, looked at him one last time standing there open-mouthed, and said, "Have a good one," slipping through the door.

I went down the street feeling extremely annoyed and frustrated, honestly more with myself than the pitiful creature I had just left wondering where that big fat dick went. I thought, well, I'm in Hell's Kitchen, surrounded by a zillion homos, maybe I will get lucky. So I fired up a bunch of apps and cast around for another ass to fuck. Everyone looked pretty good, but no one was biting.

And then I realized: I left my fucking watch in that place. My favorite watch that everyone compliments me on. Fuck me.

I considered slinking back to get it, but I couldn't do that now. I resolved myself to losing it for good. Kicking myself even harder now, I cruised a little more feverishly. Someone HAD to take my cum now. I was beginning to look as pathetic as the guy who lured me all the way from Brooklyn with fake pix.

And then an avalanche of whiny texts began.

The guy was all: "I was embarrassed you should have just said something when you got there I have a nice butt to fuck you were just going to make me suck you and cum in me and leave weren't you I am humiliated but you were hard and I was hard too I should have just kept sucking you I was just thrown off I could have shot a load true I know it depends on chemistry I should have had the option" OMG OMG OMG it just kept coming and coming.

I said, "I left my watch there. I'd like to come get it. If you want to suck me and swallow me you can. But I really would like the watch back." Not very romantic, I know, but as long as he opened the door to more communication, I figured I'd try to go get it back. I really love that watch.

He claimed he had left the apartment to "go shopping". I think that was a lie. I was still a block or two from his place and I would have seen him, I think. "Why did you make me suck your dick you could have said it when you came in you are so selfish I don't think you're the kind of guy who would be patient enough to wait for me to cum blablabla" text after text after text. I told him I couldn't hang around, and was going to go home.

When I got off the train, I think I had 30 texts from him. First saying come back, I'll suck you, I'll let you cum if you let me cum, I guess you're on the subway you should have answered I would have swallowed your cum but you didn't even give me a chance I would have reconsidered I was walking home I don't want your watch I don't even know where it is I guess you're on the train all you had to be was up front when you walked in but you pulled a fast one on me I'm humiliated I was stunned show some respect I would have blown you if you'd just asked for it you didn't give me time to process I have dignity you seemed nice and I'm wasting my time I was on my way home and you didn't even wait I bet you're home now dude if you had patience you could have gotten sucked you made a fool out of me I was getting all hard to fuck you're so selfish you should have told me the truth you're obviously home and ignoring my texts I would have said come back sometime and you don't even want your watch neither I will throw it out I guess I did the right thing you don't deserve to get off you are not very respectful you know I would have sucked you if you just answered I did the right thing I think" OMG KILL ME ALREADY.

And all this because he used fake pictures! Geesh. It pushes my buttons when people who lie or cheat or whatever can't own up to any of their own role in what happens to them and blame ME. So I just said, "How much respect does someone who uses fake pix and a misleading profile to waste an hour of someone's else's time on the subway deserve?"

And that was a mistake. I think I got 30 more texts. "I guess it's ok to use somebody I'm throwing the watch out if it was so bad why did you get a blowjob everybody deserves respect I def did the right thing what I did was not hurtful what you did was you didn't deserve that blowjob people like you make me sick kiss your ugly watch goodbye funny you felt this way but still wanted to come back for head I thought you might have a shred of decency and would invite you back boy I was wrong you're a jackass selfish jerk like most guys online I'm glade you didn't get my ass you don't deserve it and I wasn't into you you are no prize but I tried to be a good host all I wanted was a dick in my butt so I was willing to settle no worries I already got some when you left after what I see I don't feel bad in the least you are only out for your own satisfaction maybe that's why you didn't get any the dude after you LOVED IT".

Ugh, what a deluded nutcase. I ignored all that and went to the grocery store.

Granted, I was indeed going to use him. But he knew how far I was coming, and he knew how ludicrous his pix were, and if you're going to mislead folks like that, you have to be prepared to be paid back in kind with your own self-absorption.

In the end it leaves me very depressed. This comes on the heels of another lovely experience on a4a where some guy hit on me last week, with no pictures, insisting on emailing them to me, and when I got them,  I said literally, "I don't feel a match man, happy fucking to you," and he said "GO FUCK YOURSELF" and blocked me. In email I told him he was making an ass out of himself, that I had been polite, and I got a similar screed about what a jerk I am, how I'm ugly and old and have no job (?), and how I need to let it go and accept rejection (??). I told him, "I rejected YOU, psycho," and he said "hahaha let it go you are ugly and old get over it". He honestly thinks somehow he rejected me, even though he never saw any more pix than the ones that made him email me about wanting me to fuck him! Insane.

I'm fascinated by this kind of deluded behavior and probably engage with guys like this a bit more than I should, just to see how far it will go. (It will go quite far, gentle reader.) But I am also depressed by it, and by the foolish way I stumble into these situations. I should know better. Ah well. And it probably was bad of me to make the dude suck my dick. But what do you think, readers? Is he still wearing my watch, hours later, beating off and thinking about the taste of my meat, fantasizing about it stuffed inside him? Or did he throw it out in defiance and then lay in bed thinking about all the other dudes who are going to come fuck him, what with his beautiful, muscular chest and ass?