Amusing Ironies

Today I was hit up by a "str8" guy on Grindr somewhere in my neighborhood, with a very distant shot from the side of an indoor pool of an OK-ish tall body and a nice-ish face, from what was visible. He would periodically hit me up with "hello sir" or "hi daddy" and claiming to give good head and wanting to meet me now now now, but then would flake away pretty quickly. Admittedly, Grindr is pretty much the worst app out there, hanging, crashing, and delaying messages for hours or days, so it might not just be him. But his profile said "ultra discreet. willing to experience everything" and I don't have a lot of patience with discreet or people claiming to be straight, so I only idly entertained any conversation with him, and only because the picture was pretty nice. Today I really did want some head, so when he appeared I engaged with him a little more seriously. He wanted to see my dick, so I sent him a few shots, and asked if he swallowed, and he said "every drop", and sent along a very handsome face pic. The body wasn't much, but not terrible. And then he said he wanted to suck me long and slow and then "right when ur bat to cum i turn over and u put the just the tip of ur cock in my ass to unload it." Well! That's quite a scenario. I would honestly rather have my dick sucked and beautifully tongue-massaged all the way through my manliest moments of ejaculation, but I thought, well, maybe I can just fuck him like he says at the end. He was so handsome my brain was fogged. He wasn't far and I looked forward to a little amusement for my penis… but any experienced gay dude out there can pretty much already spy the red flags waving like it's May Day in Stalingrad, and they would of course be right.

Once I invited him over, a couple of new requirements came to the fore; he was "shy" and wanted a minimum of talking, and preferably for me to already be sitting there with my dick out in a dark room. "The less we have to talk the better," blabla. I unfortunately live in a big apartment with wrap-around floor to ceiling windows in the living room with no window coverings, so that wasn't going to happen, though I offered to make the bedroom completely dark for him. "I'm straight," he insisted again, "I just feel the need for your cum inside my ass." Of course! I am told John Wayne often felt the same way about the Marlboro Man. And then he said he'd be here in five minutes. I wondered if my doorman would seriously freak him out, so I didn't mention it at all. He had also asked me, right before coming, "Ur cock doesn't smell does it" which was rather alarming, and I was standing in my office with my hand to my nose, having just rooted around in my genitals for a bit to see, never having much thought about what my dick my smell like and wondering how I would react to being rejected because it stank, when the buzzer buzzed.

He came up and of course looked absolutely nothing like the pictures. He was a big ox of a dude, with curly hair like John Riley, built rather like a giant linebacker.

Well, whatever, a "straight" dude wants me to cum in his ass, let's go through with it, I said. I led him back to the bedroom and whipped off my shorts like I promised and he installed himself between my legs and actually gave me a pretty decent blowjob, I must say. He did do a weird thing with his tongue a lot of guys who don't much know their way around a dick seem to do-- it's like they put my dick up *under* their tongue, or something? I dunno. But he responded pretty beautifully to direction, and watching him steel himself for taking the entire length of my hardening tool down his throat and holding me inside his warm, straight little gullet was mighty fine. I think he was enjoying himself pretty well, and wasn't rushing me at first. So I just enjoyed it and told him he was a good boy and kept telling him what to do and feeling smug when he did exactly that.

But then he began the begging. The big straight lummox kept mewling, with a barely audible, tiny little voice, "Please give me your cum, please cum in my ass." I suppose ever straight guys sound like pathetic little pussies when they are begging for a dude to ejaculate inside them, but the contrast was extremely amusing. "Pull off your pants," I barked, "so I can see your ass while you work on me some more." Again like lightning he obeyed, and showed a verrrry biggggg white ass, really just not my cuppa. I guess I like even my super built boys to have thin waists. He had enormous meaty shoulders and arms, and that and a nice face-- which he *seemed* to have in the gloom, at least when it was all full of my meat-- is all I need when I'm getting my dick sucked. But if I'm going to stuff my prong in your hole, you gotta have a nice ass. And this was gonna do nada for me. But he kept sucking me pretty nice and had me very hard and I really did want to squirt in him so I could spend the rest of the evening thinking about him with my goo inside him; he'd said, "I live two blocks away with my gf, maybe you can be a regular," and I considered the possibility he might fuck her tonight with his guts all full of me. So when I really got close I pulled out, trotted around behind him, and stared at my target.

Really doughy, big, and not appealing. I fisted my dick to keep it hard with one hand, and searched for the hole with the other, and, irony upon irony with this guy, who had demanded to know if my dick stank or not, he was extreeeemely ripe, like someone who flew for 10 hours across the Atlantic, then took a train to St Louis, then rode horseback to Little Rock, and then demanded I stick my delicious, decidedly not-stinky bone in the cheesy cleft of his bottom. My dick instantly lost its ultra hardness and I thought, well, should I tell him whats going on, or just cum down his throat "accidentally", or what? I went back to get more head, standing at the side of the bed, and he sucked me in greedily, but kept peeping in that needy little cumfreak voice, "please cum for me, please give it to me, please just cum," and I said sternly, "I think you are too tight for me to get my bone in there, man," and he whimpered, "Just cum ON my ass, then." OK, I can do that. I lay back on the bed, and got him back into a more comfortable sucking position, and he got me hard and close again fairly quickly, and then I asked him to turn around for me, and he scurried like a rat on a subway track looking for a piece of pretzel, and I popped all over his vast expanse of a hiney. And he jiggled all over as he beat his own dick, completely unseen to me, and came all over my leg and my bedspread-- the second load deposited on it in 24 hours; I better just wash the fucking thing.

Then he said in the same voice he'd begged for my load in, "Do you have a towel?" and of course I didn't, I'm never prepared, and I asked if he wanted to rinse off, and he said, "Do you have a shower?" as if we were in a yurt on the steppe and not in a luxury apartment in gentrified Brooklyn, and I showed him the way and he holed up in the bathroom for a while, washing off the incriminating evidence. I wonder what he would have done if I'd managed to pry my way inside him and knock him up? Would he try to flush me out? Was he instantly full of regret?

I cleaned off my own slimy dick and dressed in the gloom and checked some email, and he shot out of the bathroom fully clothed and still half-wet, mumbled a goodbye, and was out the door before I could catch more than a slight glimpse of him.

What's the verdict? Was it all a goofy fantasy and he has no gf and has been doing this since he was a choirboy? Or did a straight guy with a girlfriend two blocks away really just suck me off and rub my cum all over his ass? Who knows? Who cares?

My dick does NOT stink!