web log analysis Confessions of a Promiscuous Top: Accounting

Friday, December 21, 2012

Accounting

I began this blog right after New Year's Day this year as a way to memorialize the sex I have. I am sure I sound like a dissipative whore on here, but I am sort of sentimental and hate that I have these intense experiences with other men, only to see them lost to memory for good. So I wanted to have a place to list them and revisit them if I wanted. And now a bunch of people have found my blog, and they read about the experiences too, and get hard along with me at the exciting parts, and laugh along with me at the ridiculous parts, and I like that. I wish I'd started this a long time ago, from the beginning maybe, so I could look back on an entire adulthood of sex.  But all I have is a year.

(Ironically, after I stared this draft the other day, a guy who I fucked TWICE last fall and completely forgot about reappeared on Scruff or something, saying he thought I was a great top. I felt like a heel because I honestly had no clue who he was, and it took several memory jogs for me to remember, even with pictures. We had had phenomenal sex; I found our email exchange from when we were doing it and then it all came back to me. How strange and sad.)

But I'm a guy, and there's another reason guys do things like this blog, and keep little black books and so on. We like numbers. We like notches in our belts. We like to boast. We marvel at stats, fetishize the numerals themselves. When I was a kid and discovered masturbation, after about a year of abusing myself two or three times daily, I remember adding up how much cum I had shot, and it was a rather surprising amount.  Then I added up how much I would shoot by the time I was 30 at that rate (of course, I hardly got off three times a day in my 20s like I did when I was 13, but I didn't know that then). And it was an insane amount of cum, and I am pretty sure I beat off several times again, just looking at that calculation, adding even more cum to my lifetime volume. So here at the end of the year, I've gone through my blog, and found that there are one or two guys I already completely can't remember, and one that I had to think about long and hard before I could recall his face. So the first intent of this project is a bit of a failure... you just can't remember everything, even if you document it. You can't be a slut and have every experience simultaneously be precious, no matter how you try. But I can still add everything up! Here's a detailed, final accounting of my sexual experience for 2012.

I hooked up with 82 different guys this year, having sex 101 times and ejaculating 99 times. Sixty-seven of these guys I'd never had sex with before this year. I fucked 49 of them, 3 of them wrapped. The other 46 took my slippery bare bone inside their bodies and gave me the exquisite pleasure of feeling their tenderest warm membranes sliding against the most sensitive part of my body, most with nothing but natural spit to ease my passage inside them. I ejaculated in 24 of the guys I fucked. Twenty-seven times my load was swallowed, meaning that my cum is inside 51 men out there. Very exciting! Five heartless bastards took my cum in their mouths but then spat me out when I was done. Another five brave souls took my firehose ejaculate in their faces. And 35 men wasted my cum completely. Two inept guys couldn't get me off at all. One got me off twice.


Here's the racial breakdown of the guys:
White: 62%
Latin: 28%
Asian/Pacific Islander: 2.4%Black: 1.6%
Other: 6%

Eleven of the guys I got with were bodybuilders or at least extremely, beautifully muscular. That makes my dick hard and fills me with wonder and gratitude at the universe for providing me with the opportunity to touch and enjoy such beauty to the emotional fullness of orgasm. Most of the other guys were themselves much more beautifully formed than a sclub like me deserves to plow. But they gave their bodies to me and I am so happy to see the proof of this before me.

Rating the attractiveness of my partners and overall pleasure of my experiences on a scale of 0 to 10, I find the following:

Avg body rating: 6.9    rated 7 or higher: 58%
Avg face rating: 7.2     rated 7 or higher: 71% (proving a handsome face trumps a good body)
Avg sex rating: 7.2      rated 7 or higher: 74%

So overall I've had what I consider very good sex.

And now, the nitty gritty.

I did my best to estimate based on what I wrote in each post how long the sexual experience lasted. My orgasms last about 10 seconds, but with some of the guys, if it is very good, I have something like a double orgasm, where after I stop shooting, I can't stop beating off or thrusting, and I will sort of start cumming again, making for one superlong orgasm, maybe 15 seconds. Best I can tell, I spent about 955 seconds in orgasm this year, or about 16 minutes. This is interesting to think about... that's not very long, really. All this for just sixteen minutes of blissful light exploding in my head?

But the journey is the destination, of course, and when I tally up the total amount of time I spent naked and slobbering over men this year, the total is a staggering 3,812 minutes, or SIXTY THREE HOURS. That's over two and a half days of nonstop sex. That just floors me... I can't tell if that's fantastic or horrifying. That's a lot of fuckin sex. I honestly didn't expect that.

Finally, harkening back to what I first did when I was 13, the piece de resistence, the accounting of the semen I've shed, precious nectar produced by my manly glands memorialized forever here!

I always ejaculate pretty copiously, almost 2 teaspoons when I am excited. (Funny how sexual quantities considered honestly in the light of day seem so small; two teaspoons of cum is a huge load? Seven inches of dick is genuinely big? Ten seconds of wet, pulsing heaven is a mind-blowing orgasm? But that's it... all so small.) But let's say I produce .3oz per ejaculate. Ninety-nine loads from my nuts amounts to just under 30 ounces, or almost an entire quart of hot white goo shot through my bone this year. Almost a full pint of that was ingested by my partners, either in their ass or stomach. Very, very exciting to me! And some guys out there get off even more often than me; I routinely go a week or more without unloading. Think of the flood of cum released every year all over the globe. Mind-boggling.

Anyway, that was my year in sex. Sixty-three hours of 75% ideal pleasure. Not bad for a middle-aged dude who also has a life. Who knows what will happen next year. But fuck, this one was fun.

8 comments:

  1. I'm such a geek. That was so interesting to read. Ugh. I think if you said Pythagorean Theorem, I'd get a hard on...

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    1. Heh me too, Bruce. I made a math error in the cum production calculation, though, that I just corrected. Gotta get these things right.

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  2. your prowess at mathematics is daunting

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  3. That was an amazing read. I especially enjoyed the extraneous data, ie "Five heartless bastards..."

    Merry Christmas!

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    1. Merry belated Christmas to you too, Victor! Thanks!

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  4. great stats. that actually brought out my geek side.
    Aaron "hebrewman"

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    1. Thanks Aaron! I don't think I have the patience to do it again this year. Also, I think I realized after doing it last year that my orgasms last longer than the time I'd estimated for them-- I filmed myself shooting a while back and noticed that the heavy breathing and pulsing goes on for closer to a minute, so I'm off by like a factor of two or three. I can't believe how many hours and hours I spent ejaculating that year. It's really exciting, but as I said, also a little horrifying.

      I'm glad you like my blog and hope you keep reading.

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