web log analysis Confessions of a Promiscuous Top: Weird

Thursday, December 13, 2012


Tonight I fucked a guy who I was very eager to meet, and who was even more eager to meet me, who said all the right things but was really just a lousy lay. Highlights follow, but if you read this blog a lot, stop now to see you can guess in advance all the things he did that made it disappointing! Fun game!

The guy hit me up I think on Daddyhunt-- maintaining its history of being worthless for meeting good bottoms-- and peppered me with requests to fuck him, praising my hot daddyness, etcetc. Then he disappeared, deleting his profile. He reappeared later on some other site, maybe adam4adam, and did the same thing, deleting again. Or maybe it was an app, maybe Grindr. But again he vanished without a trace. A few weeks ago he showed up on Manhunt, and was all over me again, but at least this time he gave me his number before he again deleted his profile. His pix showed a cute Latino guy, a little boyish but very masculine in the face, with a very nice little smooth body with nice curves.When I asked if he'd take me raw he said he'd do anything I wanted, he just wanted my dick in him. Right answer, kid! But timing never worked out, as he's had busy weekends since then and I'm just about never free at night.

I thought I had an unexpected evening to myself tonight, as my partner was to work late, and I told this kid a few days ago that he could come over and get a good fucking. The kid was very excited and we exchanged a bunch of texts all week. But my partner developed more and more of a cold as the day went on, so by 5 I knew I had to cancel. My partner lolled around the house in a haze and went to bed early, and I was going stir-crazy cooped up in here, so I went out to read and get some coffee.

While I was on my way to a coffee shop, the kid texts me saying his sister won't be home till 10, and he can host me, way down in Ditmas Park, about a 35 minute subway ride away. I hovered over whether I wanted coffee or ass more at this point. I decided ass won, and hopped on the train to him. It took 40 minutes to get to his door.

He met me looking very cute, but was incredibly flitty and tentative. I grabbed him to pull him to me and feel him up a bit, saying a hearty and friendly hello, like I usually do to let bottoms know I like them, to set the tone and I show them I intend to have my way with them and that it will be fun and casual. I tried to plant a big kiss on him. But he shrank away, not something I ever get except from guys who are just not into me. He was babbling about nonsense and pulled completely away. I looked him in the face and asked if it was cool, and he said "Yes, it's great we finally meet, Mr Hot Pix! Do you want something to drink do you want to take off your shoes how was the subway ride yadda yadda." I decided he was just shy, and I asked him point-blank if this was the case. "Yes, I'm kind of shy," he said, and he got me some water. I pulled him to me again and he let me kiss him some more and writhed under my touch a little. "Just relax," I cooed in his ear, "and we'll have fun." But he twisted and wriggled away from me again, asking if I wanted to go to the bedroom. I took a pit stop and then followed him to his room.

I pulled him to me again and we made out more seriously this time as I felt him up-- nice little ass in his pants. "I love to kiss!" he exclaimed, breaking the kiss, and turning his head every time I moved in for a kiss again. This was just freakin weird. I wondered if my breath was bad, but I smelled it after and it seemed fine. I asked if he wanted me to pull out my dick and let him touch it, and he didn't look at me or say anything at all, just made meaningless clutches at my chest and arms. So I pulled it out anyway. The kissing we'd done made it chubby enough. He held it lightly and squeezed it gently and said "It's so good to finally get together with you." He stroked me a bit and I kissed him a bit-- at this point he was puckering like I was his grandma. But then he opened his mouth some more, and fingered my dickhead nicely, and it really swelled. He was very small and slight and I was really looking forward to plowing him. "It's so big and thick and fat," he said.

He got to his knees and sucked me very nicely. Things were looking up. He kept staring at me as he sucked me-- not my favorite thing, as everyone looks a little dumb rolling their eyes up with a mouth full of manmeat-- and then pulled me out to say, "I didn't want you to come all this way for bad head!"

I pulled off my pants and hopped up on the bed, ready to be seriously sucked and hardened up for the ass assault, and his cell phone dinged-- the first of about 1,000 dings that he had to jump up and check. It was his sister, who he lives with, giving him a blow-by-blow of her whereabouts every 10 minutes or so. Things went downhill from there. I ate his ass and he seemed to be going into orbit, but his body was so oversensitive that every time I stroked it he twisted and pulled away, as if I was torturing him with tickles. I flipped him on his back and lay all my body weight on his little frame, and he wrestled me and pushed me off over and over-- my limbs are actually quite sore, as if I had worked out, such was the effort of staying on top of him and pressed into him. Despite this pushing off behavior, he kept saying, "You really know how to touch a guy, you really know how, I never get this hard from just that." His dick was impressively fat and thick but it was not fully hard at all, and he was wearing a cockring.

At this point I figured he's one of those guys who lives all his sex in his head and tells himself stuff is happening that is not happening. The cell phone dinged over and over and he kept apologizing. I just wanted to get my dick in him, to keep this from being a waste of time. He felt very tight when I probed him with my tongue. At one point I had him on his belly and had my dickhead planted on his hole, and tried to coax him back on me. He wanted to jump up for poppers and lube, but I told him to just relax and feel it. He tried but it was going nowhere. I let him get his poppers and a mostly-empty bottle of horribly gloppy silicon-based lube. He wanted me on my back so he could slide down on me. We got it in but he held himself at a crazy angle that seemed designed to keep me from moving at all. His body looked great up there but I lost my erection in all that glop and vice-grip tightness.

It was downhill from there. I ate his ass some more and had to hold his body down to keep him from spinning across the bed or pushing me off it. "That feels amazing," he said, seemingly doing everything he could to make me stop. "You really know how to touch a guy, I love the way you touch me." I put him on his back and lubed up like crazy and pushed it in. He met my pressure by hiking up his hips at an ever more insane, almost vertical angle, staring me in the face and whimpering. Suddenly, I popped in up to the balls. "That's it!" he said, from this angle in which it was absolutely impossible to fuck him. I pushed him down, pushed back his legs, and tried to fuck him like a normal person. "You're so strong," he intoned, "do whatever you want to me." And he pushed and pushed at me as if he was trying to force off a rapist. My dick was half soft and accordioned in and out of him and his eyes rolled back in his head inexplicably. This seemed like genuine enjoyment, but I don't know how. I plowed away at him, hoping the thrusting motion would get me hard. The cell phone dinged and dinged and dinged. He got up to reply to her for the nth time. Every time he said, "We have like a half hour left." At one point it burbled and hummed instead of dinging; "I set an alarm in case my sister forgot to text me," he said by way of explanation. Oh.

Then he tried to cram me back in but it wasn't happening. I told him the pressure seemed a little too much, with the time constraint and everything. But he was determined to get me in him. "How are all the other bottoms in Williamsburg?" he asked, jumping up again for the lube which seemed to have to live on a towel on the bedside table, remote from the actual point where it was needed. "Are they all loose?" I smiled, hiding my exasperation, and said, "Just relax, man, it's just you and me here." He sucked my dick and I got my finger in his hole and that turned me on enough to want to cum. I pushed him back and dry-humped myself to orgasm all over him.

The last spurt had barely come out when he said, "Do you want to wash up?" I did. He kept staring at my body like I was a cupcake. I went to the shower and tried to get that horrible silicone glop off me; it seemed to spread all over me as I tried to soap it off, coating every inch of my body with its horrible fake powdery feel. He watched me dry off with that same glazed hungry look.

When I sat back down on the bed to put on my shirt and socks, he said he wanted to put my socks on me. "Can I do that, Daddy? I like to call people Daddy, but I didn't because I didn't know if you were into that." He chattered about more nonsense as he struggled to get my sock on. He managed one but gave up on the other. He was a mess.

He flitted around the apartment naked while I collected my stuff, and offered me water, juice, and, inexplicably, *peanut butter*. He seemed to be naming everything in the fridge. I was depressed and disappointed and wanted to go get the coffee that I should have bet on. It was now late enough that all the good places would be closed by the time I got back to Northern Brooklyn.

He texted me while I was underground saying he hoped we'd get together again. I'd love to seriously fuck that little body. But as it's inhabited by someone who just doesn't know how to use it, I'm going to have to pass.


  1. Great writing skills. I can see it all in my mind as I read it. I can't believe you didn't take him up on his offer of Peanut Butter. That's funny stuff.

    1. Thanks, Jack! I wanted in that sweet little body so bad, but he was just doing everything possible to prevent it. And, as I recall, it was even off-brand peanut butter.

    2. Four things should have happened. First, after the second "ding," the phone should have been thrown across the room. Hard. Second, he seemed to be in some sort of alternative trance. A good smack across the face should have snapped his attention back to your needy dick. Not a punch, but an open handed slap. Hard. Third, you should have waited for the sister to come home and fucked her. Hard. Fourth, You should thave taken the whole jar of peanut butter and asked for crackers for the subway ride home.You gave that scene more than a college try.

    3. Ha! You're a more demonstrative fellow than me, Loki. But after him and the next guy, I'm determined to shot my load in someone deserving this week before I go on hiatus to visit family with my partner next week. That which does not get me off makes me hornier, as they say.