Inhibited

Today may have been my last assignation with Ultra Meat. Hang your head in remembrance.

It's common for guys on hookup sites who want to signal their desire for bareback sex without going so far as to say STICK YOUR DIRTY DICK IN ME WITHOUT A CONDOM by instead saying they are "uninhibited." I never thought much of that word, and never used it myself-- while my profiles are often rather pithy and just omit any "Safe Only" choice, I don't otherwise refer to raw sex in them, but when I hit guys up I almost always lead with a direct question about it. Most profile-speak euphemisms and idioms rather annoy me (let's have PIG PLAY! masc/musc/laid back, go to the front of the line! I won't bite well not right away TEE HEE HEE!). But I think after today "uninhibited" speaks to me a bit more.

Ultra Meat loves to fantasize about me "breeding" him (another word I'm not fond of), and often texts me asking to fuck him raw next time and not pull out, yadda yadda. I know he's genuinely uncomfortable with the idea and I don't push it. He's incredibly beautifully built and a very sweet guy so in a way I wish he'd just knock it off and not get me riled up about the idea. But at the same time, I realize, the thing I do love about raw sex IS how uninhibited it is. I pull off my clothes, I pull off yours, I touch you and lick you all over, I stick my dick wherever I want it to go, wherever we like it best, and I cum whenever and wherever I feel like cumming. And you love it and want more because it's perfect for you, too. And that's good sex.

He "woofed" me on Scruff and we exchanged a couple of messages there throughout the morning, and when I went to take a leak after one particularly dirty one, I pulled my meat out of my fly and it was thick and swollen and beautiful-looking, and I just wanted to put it in him. I'd just told him I wanted to dick him raw again and he said "when?" and I said, "Maybe after my next check up? You know how I want to fuck you... raw." He said, "But I want it now." And though I knew it was a bluff, my dick looked so nice and thick, it made me want him to suck it right then. So I went back to my phone after I was done and texted him, "Come get me off." It was a busy intense day of work and I didn't have any attention for cruising but suddenly really wanted someone to make me cum. He usually instantly trots over to do my bidding. Uninhibited! Even if it was just a blowjob... instant gratification from a guy built like a god!

But today he seemed to dally a bit. Maybe I took him off guard, maybe he is increasingly nervous I'll essentially rape him or something-- the last time we got together he somehow seemed very guarded. I thought well, maybe I missed my opportunity. But my dick was still nice and thick. I texted again, asking, "No good now?" and rather quickly he replied that he'd only just now seen it (not according to iChat!) and needed a shower and would then come over. Fair enough. But then work intervened, and by the time he got there, I was startled to hear the doorman ringing, and my love affair with my own swollen penis was over and my proto-erection had left for the hinterlands. But he was here. So I let him in.

He lunged in to kiss me when he got into my apartment; I saw his own meat swinging in his sweatpants like he was not wearing underwear, and his ass swelled out the back to an insane degree. I had to finish an email and take a leak again, so I left him in the bedroom. When I returned, he was naked on the bed, spread out in all his glory, stroking his hard dick.

For a while I just straddled him and stroked his muscles, admiring his incredibly physique with my clothes on, enjoying his nudity under neath my fully clothed body. But he was tugging off my shirt and grabbing at my dick. So I took everything off and dangled my meat into his gaping mouth, and he sucked me beautifully.

And we tussled a bit and I ate his huge, round ass out, and probed his hole with my tongue, which made him flinch and jerk. He had clearly just showered; what was the big deal? And when he was again on his back, and my dick was fully rigid in one had, I stroked his ass with the other and told him how much I wanted to fuck him as I worked the forefinger of the other slowly, slowly into his hole, lubricated with his own freely-flowing precum. I told him he was beautiful and I wanted every inch of my dick in him. And he told me he wanted me to breed him. And my finger went in him past the second knuckle, and again the flinching, the jerking, the pushing me away.

Something inside me really clicked. He's very conflicted, he doesn't want to go too far, doesn't want me to do things to him to make his desire get away from him. I understand. But the roadblocks have somehow hardened my heart a bit. It is undoubtedly frustrating for both of us.

Sliding my dick in his precum which spread all over his belly, feeling it slide along the length of his dick, with his limbs clamped around me, the old pleasures were there. But it wasn't enough for me. I reared up and clambered up to his head and stuck my prong in his mouth and fucked away at his face, strokes getting longer and deeper and harder until I was very close to cumming and growling. Always so exquisitely tuned to my body, he sensed how close I was, and again pushed me off him so I wouldn't cum in his mouth. And I shot hot thick gobs of spooge all over his dark, beautiful chest. It kept coming and he kept saying "Oh my god, oh my god," and then he added a few blobs of his own to his belly. I kept drizzling him with small dabs of cum as my orgasm subsided. He looked good covered with all our cum. I admired it for a while.

And after he was very reserved. I eventually had to give him a dirty t-shirt to clean up with; in my long absence my partner has rearranged everything and I can't find the hand towels any more. I lay back beside him and we panted in the darkened, cool room a bit, not speaking. The we talked a little about the time I was away, but not too much. I was feeling distant, and I never know what he is feeling. I offered him some water but he laughed and said no, for some reason. He dressed and I slapped his ass and thanked him for coming. He noticed that I had smeared jizz all over his shoulder. "It's drying," he said, as if that satisfied him, then looked me in the eye and smiled. It was a hard smile to read. He trotted away.

I've had sex with him many more times than I have with anyone else, really, except boyfriends I've had.  He seems to deeply distrust me-- which may be a good thing; obviously, from all these entries, what I want is to ejaculate inside him after running my naked bone in and out of that incredible body for as long as I can stand it. If he'd let me cum in his mouth, I would have. If he'd let me stick my dick in him, I would have. I can't be trusted, no. So maybe it's best to let it go. It's a little sad. Maybe he'll beg me so much that I'll let him suck me some more, hump his body and let him fantasize some more that I'm "breeding" him without really doing it. But I don't think so.

I am so inhibited in real life. When the clothes come off... I want to do what I want to do.