web log analysis Confessions of a Promiscuous Top: Homo Unerectus

Friday, February 8, 2013

Homo Unerectus

Today I came down the throat of a ridiculously good-looking dude, but the overall experience was frustrated by a little penile insouciance on my part. We'd planned a couple days ago to hook up today, but the BIG SCARY SNOWSTORM ended up closing my partner's office, so he was around most of the day trying to figure out what to do, and I kept Crazy Handsome on a string, telling him I wasn't sure when exactly he could come over but I felt sure he could. Eventually my partner got cabin fever and decided to go out. This is one of those cases where I feel a little illicit-- I suppose ideally as soon as I knew my partner was off today, I should have cancelled with Crazy Handsome. But he was unusually into hooking up with me specifically, and the pictures he had, while rather "artful" and "indirect", suggested a fantastic ass and a verrry hot face. So I really wanted to, and left it open. Shame on me. I waited a respectful half hour after I was alone to see if Crazy Handsome was still free, and he was, but then when I told him the address, he stopped replying, finally saying, "I thought you were in Midtown." I guess I left my location there on a4a from when I was volunteering the other night! I thought oh gawd, another Manhattanite afraid of crossing the East River and getting sharkbite. Compounding my wickedness in all this, I had another cute kid on the wire, who hit me up on Grindr last night and wanted to come over and suck my dick. I told him it was a possibility, thinking  Crazy Handsome was just going to let me down. I was shamefully playing them off each other, something I almost never do. So once Crazy Handsome started hemming and hawing, I said a little hello to Second String Cocksucker. Then Crazy Handsome comes back alive and says OK. So now I have to tell Second String Cocksucker today is out. He is annoyed but still after me, saying Maybe Tomorrow™, to which I said yes, We'll See®. And I waited for Crazy Handsome, hoping I wouldn't be disappointed with my choice.
Well, I was disappointed, but certainly not by Crazy Handsome. I guess I've fucked enough guys that almost every new guy is a cross between two or more old guys, but Crazy Handsome had the best features of Ultra Meat and a matinee-idol-handsome Bulgarian guy I used to fool around with in DC, who himself looked rather like a dark, tartaric Jude Law. Together these features made him extremely devilishly and somewhat brutally handsome, very manly features-- dark eyebrows at a prominent, diabolical angle, strong nose, Stick My Dick In 'Em smirking lips, brilliant straight teeth, short dark beard on his very strong, angular chin. The kind of guys who instantly intimidates me. But he had no attitude, and was extremely friendly and breezy when he came in, and came in for the kiss before I'd even gotten his coat off, standing in the foyer. Awesome kisser-- a lot of tongue, but languid, liquid tongue, and a lot of loose, sensual lip, too, and a smile that would knock you over. I felt him up as we made out in the foyer and the ass was clearly not going to disappoint. I thought, holy fuck, how do I keep getting these guys??

We went back to the bedroom and got a little hotter and heavier. I flicked his nips and he became electric. He got on his knees and sucked my dick through my fly, quickly deciding that he needed to be completely naked to do this, and undressing quickly, which I found extremely hot, standing over him completely dressed except for my exposed meat. He looked fucking amazing naked at my feet, and kept looking up at me with that knockout face, mouth all full of my thick tool, his jock-like but slightly fleshy body folded up neatly on his meaty haunches. I was not fully hard but got that oh-shit-I-could-cum-right-now feeling, which is a common early warning sign of the Erectile Troubles. And I guess that's when it began.

I hopped up on the bed because I wanted to see this beauty spread out in front of me in all his glory, but began feeling very self-conscious-- he was just crazy good-looking and I was feeling unusually schlubby today. But he did as told, and made my dick feel incredible. I was somehow not in the moment, though, looking at his awesome body and feeling my mental circuits go haywire. He sucked me till I felt like I was close again, so I pulled out quickly and went to eat his ass. His amazing, round, full, delicious, smooth, creamy ass, with two fat fuzzy balls and a very respectably meaty dick hanging down between them. He is a rather aggressive guy, and kept pushing back into me as I blissfully ate him out, pushing me back off the bed and onto the floor. I stroked one leg with one hand while I stroked my dick with the other, and he moaned with pleasure at being touched all over like that. I got hard, and I wanted inside, and I stuck it in.

He yelped and we fucked but it was an awkward angle with me standing on the floor and him half on, half off the bed, and I felt again like I was simultaneously going to cum and go soft. I pulled out and ate some more, flipped him, ground into him, chewed hard on his nips, which sent him into orbit. We kissed incredibly intensely. But I could not get into the groove.

More ass-eating, more face fucking, more grinding, another erection, back in the hole, and I was able to pound him with decently long strokes this time, from behind, with him twisted back to look at me and kiss me and give me more access to his right nip, which he wanted worked HARD. Honestly, he felt so sensual against my body, I just wanted to lay on top of him and kiss him for an hour. I dicked him as best I could till I felt myself going limp again. Egad.

I got on my back and told him to suck me again, slowly. He was not at all squeamish about servicing my tool after I'd fucked him with it. That incredibly shapely muscular back, those heartbreaking mounds shining in the dim light, those muscular shoulders, that fucking face, looking at me endlessly for approval! I was five feet above my body, it was too much. I got more and more excited, and told him to slow down, but almost simultaneously something in me made me grab his head and fuck my dick into his skull-- which he seemed to love-- and just fire all my frustrated spunk into him. He gulped me me thirstily with muscular motions of his tongue, massaging my entire tool as my orgasm rode away with my body, leaving me forlornly in the dust, whining, "I didn't get to fuck him right!"

Very much like Ultra Meat, he gave me a quick appraising look when I had stopped firing, to see if he should drop my dick, and I gently tapped the back of his head, covered with short, coarse, salt-and-pepper hair, indicating he should just go back down, and he closed his eyes, turned slightly to the side, and using my hairy thick thigh as a pillow, suckled at my soft but still swollen meat while he stroked his own dick, which was now very hard and very pretty. His chest was wide and open to my touch. I pulled and twisted his nips, and he cradled my other extended leg against his body and looked up at me again. I nodded and grinned and told him he was a beauty, and grazed my hands over his lightly fuzzy, toned chest, with those long hard protruding nipples. And instantly his back arched and he said, muffled by my tool, "I'm gonna cum!" and he did, all over my calf. Hot jets. His face was unbelievably radiant at this point of climax; his body was on fire and alive. He let go of my dick and vocalized his pleasure until he was done ejaculating.

We lay together a little bit, laughing and saying in various ways that it was really good. I of course was overwhelmed with a kind of shame that I couldn't get fully hard for very long and squandered this first contact with his beauty. I told him I hadn't gotten off since Tuesday and was very pent-up. He didn't seem to care, happy to have my cum inside him even if it was just his stomach. I tossed him a dirty t-shirt to clean up with-- "Sorry, this is ghetto, but here," I said-- and we talked idly about work and so on. I offered him some water, and we talked about my apartment, which he really liked, and our plans to fix it up. We kissed a few more times, though I mostly felt shy. He seemed genuinely to want to get together again, alluding to it twice before he left. So we'll see.

I'm very funny this way. There is just a certain kind of male attractiveness that to me is not even of this world; it's like I'm not even the same species as these guys. They're the most attractive to me, but the hardest for me to actually enjoy having sex with. It's not that he was inept sexually, as many beautiful men are-- it's that he made ME inept. I lost myself and could not be in the moment. The clock seemed to indicate that we were fucking for almost 40 minutes, but it flew by and seemed more like 15. It is rather like being handed a million dollars and watching it all slip through your hands and down into a sewer grate. Meanwhile I have amazing, intense, connected sex with guys I'm barely attracted to. Crazy.

We could try to hook up again, I dunno. The Bulgarian who he reminds me of asked me over three times, and is still into me years after I moved away, occasionally making petulant comments on Facebook about how I didn't fuck him or hang out with him enough, but every time I went to his place I had the same problem. Once we spent an hour and a half in bed, with me stroking his body and eating his ass and grinding into him until he was in a kind of trance, and at no point did I get harder than a stiffy. There's just something off in my wiring, in my genetic makeup. I gave up with the Bulgarian eventually.

I wonder what the antidote is?


  1. I would offer a back-handed bitch slap to snap you out of it, but I don't think that's the answer. There was a time where I was worried if I could still get it up with a condom... And then there's the guys that make me shoot after two pumps no matter how hard I try to stop it... So I know exactly what you mean... Still no answer though!

    1. The really weird thing is, I can barely remember what the guy looks like now. I was totally not in my head during that fuck.