web log analysis Confessions of a Promiscuous Top: I Love You

Thursday, January 9, 2014

I Love You

The last time I hooked up with Ultra Meat, I figured it would be our last. Despite his unbelievably beautiful body, I felt our chemistry was somehow winding down, that he knew what I wanted and was beginning to feel uncomfortable about not giving it, which made me feel uncomfortable with what we did do, yadda yadda. Many months went by without him hitting on me so I figured he felt it too. He lives only about 5 blocks from me, above a cafe my partner and I really like going to with outdoor seating, and it seems like half the time we go there, Ultra Meat goes by. So I had occasion to see him out and about, though seeing him when I was with my partner would always been a little weird, and I would sort of make sure I didn't look at him closely. Late in the fall I was walking down 14th St looking in the windows of the shoe stores, and I looked up to go from one to the next and here he came walking right past me; he winked at me and I slapped his arm as he walked by, but he didn't break his stride and that was it. Old pals, eh? But a month or so later he "woofed" me on Scruff. A few days ago, I changed my face picture on there to keep things fresh, and he has been checking me out or woofing me over and over since then. On New Year's Eve at 2am, when I was driving some friends home from a dinner party at our house, he msged me asking to come over so he could suck my dick. Ultra Meat was back and he was hungry! I said vague things when he contacted me but didn't want to encourage him or lead him on. Today I had hoped to fuck Handsome Fuckboy; he said he would text me after work if he could swing by. "I really want to stroke your little body," I said. "I hope so... I'm dying to see you again," he said. I thought about stroking his little body and pinning it to the bed all day long, waiting. But he didn't text and I let it go; I didn't want to push it. Some guys online who were too far away engaged me in long conversations about how exciting my cumshots are, how much they want my cum, cum Cum CUM. While I went along with it, I knew it couldn't happen. It all got me extremely horny and frustrated. With just an hour or so before my partner was expected home from work, I saw Ultra Meat cruise me yet again on Scruff. So I msged him a charming "Come suck my dick" and he said "Apt?" and I told him and he was here in five minutes. And he gave me a real surprise.

He was kinda of dopey-smiley when he came in, which I found kind of endearing, especially given how rather rigid I remembered him being the time before. He looked me up and down in my bulky knit sweater and gave me a look of approval. I slapped his ass as a hello and we kissed a bit and then he began pulling off his bulky coat. He had on a tight-fitting black thermal underneath that hugged every ripple on his muscular frame, and there were more and bigger ripples than I remembered. I led him back to my bedroom and we made out in the lit rectangle of the doorway to the dark room. I had a more difficult time than I remembered getting my arms around him. His body was several degrees harder than it had been before. The kissing was extremely sensual and hungry. I knew I didn't have much time and my balls were blue from all those dudes, and the extreme relief of getting a hot guy in my clutches just in the nick of time certainly was heightening the experience. But he was clearly turning to jelly as I kissed him and gripped his hard body all over, feeling his shape through his clothes. "Oh I missed you," he sighed breathlessly into my ear as I felt his body and kissed his neck. "Oh I missed you." And I felt it, I felt his emotion when I touched his skin. And it heightened mine. I opened my pants and pulled them down some, and he stopped what he was doing and dropped to his knees and sucked me into that sensual mouth and luxuriated in the feeling of making me go from soft to hard as he sucked. I held his shoulder muscles and could not believe how big and hard they had gotten. I looked down at his body and was rather shocked; he must have put on a good twenty pounds of pure muscle since I last saw him. I pushed my pants down all the way and he ripped off his thermal, showing his dark skin. I saw the patches of black hair dusting his lats on his back, I saw the hard lobes of his muscles gleaming in the hallway light. He used his mouth to make my dick as hard as his muscles, harder. I was so fucking hard in this beast's mouth. He sucked me slowly in a trance of intense satisfaction, slowly shaking his head back and forth and tugging me along with him by my fuckstick, feeling my nuts swing against his chin. He was in heaven.
I slowly fucked my length into and out of his mouth, holding his scruffed chin in one hand and his buzzed skull in the other. His eyes closed in deep communion with my sex, his massive arms behind his back, his head tipped slightly back on his bullish neck, utterly at peace as a cocksucker. This was too much to take in standing up; I felt swoony even as I braced myself with one arm on each side of the door and leaned in to slide my dick in and out of him with my whole body. I pulled out of him, leaned down to kiss his thick black lips, and led him to the bed. I pulled the rest of my clothes off and he followed suit; we got in bed with just our socks on and I lay back and he climbed up between my legs to worship my tool. It was honestly a primal, amazing scene. His body was so wide, so massively muscular, so dark in silhouette, his movement so masculine and full of sexual appetite that I almost felt a little alarmed. I've fucked plenty of bodybuilders but they tend to be 5'9 or below; some of them are quite short indeed. But Ultra Meat is a good 5'11, 6 feet tall and he has clearly been hitting the weights hard. But this bulky figure didn't come at me and crush me; he stopped at my groin and dropped his head down and feasted on my sex with that same helpless look on his dark face. His own dick strained down there between his legs; his body was a black greek statue. He sucked me and I lay there watching him, rapt and unbelieving. It was a majestic sight. He rubbed my dick all over his face and whimpered, "I missed your dick so much. I missed this fat dick so fucking much." And he meant it.
I lay there just drinking in this spectacle for a good while. I knew we didn't have tons of time and was feeling a little selfish-- but when he turned on his side so he could suck me, beat his meat, and gaze up at me, the sight of his long meaty body stretching away to his feet at the edge of the bed was too much. I pushed him back on the bed, extricated my thigh from under him, and lay my body down on his.
Christ, he was big. Chest like a barrel. Thighs like sequoias, knees bent out to each side, massive chunks of meat in my hands as I pushed them aside and pressed my cock into his, my body into his, putting all my weight on him. And we kissed and pushed our bodies together, and his black skin slid against my white skin like silk on silk, and he sighed into the dark, "I love you."
That sound you hear is the needle being scraped off the record.
To be honest, I have almost said the same thing during sex myself. Sometimes you feel it, you just feel it, it's just so good, this guy is making you feel so fantastic, it feels so right, you feel like you have to say it. But instead you say "I love your ass" or "I love they way your skin feels" or "I love fucking you..." but he said it again:
"I love you."
I coached him a bit. "You love my dick, yeah? You love sucking my dick, you love the way my dick feels?" 
< "I love you."
I tried again. "You love it when I put my dick in you? You love being close to me?"
"Oh I love you," he said for the last time, and wrapped himself around me tight. 
Ay, Chihuahua!
Half of me was screaming inside at how wrong that felt to hear at that moment. The other half felt very avuncular somehow. I smiled at him and propped my body up and looked at his insane beauty spread out underneath me. I lay my dick along side his again and we moved together again, and I said tenderly, "Feel those dicks together, man. Feel our dicks touching together," and he moaned and moaned. "Remember when I put my dick in your ass, man?" I asked, and he nodded, looking like he would burst. "Remember how good it felt?" "I want you inside me so bad man," he said over and over. "I want your dick so much."
I indulged him in this talk a bit more, knowing it amounted to nothing; he wouldn't even let me cum in his mouth. But as I got close-- and man, did he ever want me to cum with my entire soul this time-- I asked, "Do you want me to cum on you, or do you want to suck it out of me?"
He looked like a shy child. "Cum on me," he said feebly.
Right. Instantly I was ejaculating hard, thick ribbons all over his sculpted mass. Even in the dark, I saw that his whole trunk was covered with pearly pools of shining white sex fluid. He looked beautiful covered in my cum. I sat there stupid, just gawking.
"Put your dick in my mouth," he hissed through his teeth; he was beating off hard and getting close while I admired the handiwork of my beleaguered testicles. I nimbly hopped over beside his head and he briefly sucked on the remnants of my load left behind in my dickhead, but remembered himself and let me go; I was still half-hard and pointing at his lips; he kissed it with exaggerated puckering that seemed designed to keep my filthy tool as far from him as possible but still allow grazing it with the very edges of his lips. And he popped.
And I saw his black face spread open into a huge white grin there in the dark, and I laughed too and put my hands on his huge shoulders and smiled into his face.
"GOD I needed that," he said, and I said, "Me too. Let me clean you up."
I got a towel and wet the corner for him, and he began wiping our jizz off him. He was shaking his head as he had to run the towel down his side, into his armpit, and over his shoulder. "I forgot about this," he said, with a touch of wonder in his voice. "Well, it's been a few days, so you got the surplus," I said, but I knew it was just the surprise of it all. And then I said, "Dude, you are huge. You are DEFINITELY a LOT bigger than last time I saw you."
"Really? a LOT?" he asked, simultaneously skeptical and thrilled.
"Well," I said, "I guess you reach a certain point where even just a quarter of an inch more feels huge, but yeah, you're definitely getting kinda huge."
"I never feel like I'm big enough," he said with that typical wail. And we began to get dressed.
"So have you and your partner had sex yet?" He asked me, apropos of nothing.
"You mean, ever? I mean, we've been together over 13 years." 
"You don't have sex, you said, right?"
"Not any more, not since the first few years," I said. 
"Don't you want to?" he asked. I wasn't sure where this was going. But I told him honestly how things were, how I still thought my partner was very attractive but what I wanted most from him now was affection and closeness. We are very physical but that's what matters to me.
"I see you and your partner all the time at that place," he said. I laughed and nodded. "I think my partner likes you, actually," I said. "He always teases me about how much I look at other guys, but when you walk by, it's like he can't even keep talking." 
"I thought maybe you told him about me or something," he said. So he had noticed it too! Funny. But I said "No... you're just very much his, ah, flavah."
He told me his own partner and he don't have sex either. They've only been together about three years. He told me his partner would if he would, but he never wanted to. This sort of surprised me. I suddenly was desperately curious to know what his partner looked like. As he finished dressing, my partner texted to say he was on his way home. The timing had worked out perfectly. I sent him on his way and started dinner.
Those words linger in the air in here. Why did he say them over and over? Why does he like my completely mediocre dick so much? Why does he like my schlubby, pasty body when he looks like he does? Why can't I just fuck my cum into him like I want to? Why do I get treated to this at all? Why anything at all? What an amazing, strange experience.
I love it. I fucking love it. But I don't, alas, love Ultra Meat. Nor could he love me… right?


  1. I do think he probably loves you in a way because of how you make him feel when having sex. I highly doubt he's "in love" with you. If he was in love, he would have made a point to have mention it again before leaving. I've have a couple of dudes that I would love to see again for that very reason. They are special and I will never forget them, even though it's been years since our last connection. Just my opinion.

    1. I'm sure you're right, Jack. But it was really kinda shocking when he said it at the height of the festivities. Probably also because since my partner and I are sexless, it's been many years since I've heard that during sex (though otherwise I hear it several times a day). I myself have *felt* that during sex with a couple of reliably pleasurable repeats, though, or extremely good looking, sensual men. The feeling can be very strong but I know it's just the intensity of the situation. Real love is a very different thing.